oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
