Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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