but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am available for nakedness
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
