I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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