I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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