Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is classic penis vs brain.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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