remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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