dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
