i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
