Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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