if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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