I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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