Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
