why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
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As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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