he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
