okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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