Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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