I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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