mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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