I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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