Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
