I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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