I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Say something about gay babies.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
