I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
