Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
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Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
