I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
