we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
