Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
