The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
