I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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