He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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