We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just want nice things and good sex
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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