you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
