You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
