the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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