I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
