I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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