yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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