Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize