I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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