mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
