My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
