ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
