My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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