He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
