Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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