I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize