never play flip cup with pint glasses
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I pour the whiskey from now on
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
