We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
