If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just invented taco cereal.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
