have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
