Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
