Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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