I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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