my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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