So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
