That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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