never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
