found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
