Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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