Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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