Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
