What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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