He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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