I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
