Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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