my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
