he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
