you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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