he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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