I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
"it" just moved
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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