God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Vodka?
Forever.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
