I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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