i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
