I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
