I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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