I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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