counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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