please come you make the beer taste better
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
