Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
