i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
