Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
