I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
